38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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