can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You can't just leave with hair like that
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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