I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
