u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
