paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
