at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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