I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
