swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
