They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
