I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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