I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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