I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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