I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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