so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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