she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Damn victory sex feels great
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
