This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
wow bdsm is so cute
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
