i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
