Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you traded sex for a burrito?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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