My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
