I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
