spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
