I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
