remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
