Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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