You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
