just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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