I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
