Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He better not be in your backpack
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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