ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My bed smells like the plague
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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