i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
