come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
