we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
