I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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