when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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