Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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