so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
