I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
