She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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