you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
