I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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