My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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