Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
