The best revenge is premature balding
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
