The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
