Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
