So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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