Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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