If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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