i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i need some magic done to my vagina
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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