What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
