once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
