well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
