Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
