Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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